His Parents Were Sun And Moon And Nobody Told Him About It

In a house where it’s supposed to be more than a 4-corner concrete, he learned that home is a place where everything doesn’t seems to matter.

His dad, distant as the moon to the earth, always seems to be busy and out of place all the time. Ironic, because he used to think that he looks like Superman, strong and courageous, but he was anything but that. He remembered looking up at him as he busily walks from the end of the kitchen to the living room while talking to someone on the phone, yelling, ranting words that didn’t make sense back then. He never called him his son nor treated him like one. He saw him pat the next-door kid’s head once, though. What he would give at that moment to be that kid.

His mom, hot as the scorching sun, was the exact opposite of his dad. She was always there to keep him company whenever his dad is busy—which is always—and he loved her more than he could love anybody else. But everything changed when the moon orbited away from the sun as the earth felt the heat of the sun alone. She became this terrible monster, always has this bottle with a pungent smell in her hand and everything went downhill since then.

At 14, The Sun became hotter that it burned him. It burned him really bad. Then, he realized that home is anything but his friends has described it. It wasn’t a place where you can feel safe because there will always be a possibility of the sun burning him again, after tons of times. It wasn’t a place where you could feel loved. It wasn’t a place where you could stay forever.

He prayed everyday to get out of that black hole and just get lost in the oblivion of the universe.

At 18, he made it happened and found himself orbiting nowhere the oblivion of  the universe and there he realized that he’s still hoping for an eclipse.

dork

dork

just when you
started
opening your
heart to
someone and
spill
all the
words
that it has
been
trying to
say
all this
time
the ears
that it’s
trying
to reach
are either
closed
or listening
to
someone
else’s
heart
and
just when
you
thought
someone’s
heart
opened
their mouth
did
too
and what your
ears heard
didn’t
make
heart
happy
at
all
and then
people
often wonder
why do
you always
keep
everything
to
yourself


dumb
assholes

Some people are drunk with the idea that they need someone to make them feel complete when all they need to learn first is to love themselves. 

I’ve learned that it’s much better to have those people who never formally call you their friends but are always there when you need company rather than having those ‘friends’ who constantly say ‘I miss you’ and ‘Let’s meet!’ but never do a damn thing to make it happen. 

You can’t just close your eyes and think that the world will disappear—it won’t.

You can’t just close your eyes and think that the world will disappear—it won’t.

4:48

Lately I’ve been feeling like a mindless robot. It’s like I’ve been stuck to this lifeless routine that just won’t stop. It’s like having an endless deja vu. I spend my life just letting the days pass and get by and I’m afraid that if I let this continue, I might see myself in the near future in my deathbed—regretting for all of the things I have done or more appropriately, haven’t done.

People get so stupid when they’re madly in love. I think it’s because their hearts beat so fast and loud that they can’t hear what their mind is saying anymore.

he asked her if she’d like to go with him
hang out at some cafe next saturday night
maybe watch a movie if there’s a good one showing
she said she’s sorry but she has other plans
he said okay
but it’s actually the sixth time she said that
he laughed
even though there’s nothing funny

he was telling his buddy about the discreet rejection
his friend laughed
"man that’s because she’s way out of your league"
he laughed too
"well yeah a rat can’t date a peacock," he said
he felt sad
but he laughed anyway

"hey bud i gotta go home, my mom texted already"
"oh really what are you, 12?"
"it’s saturday you idiot, it’s family night"
he didn’t know what made him sad
the fact that his only friend left him alone
or that he has no one to share saturday with
let alone someone to make him feel a family
he pat his back and smiled
but he’s devastated

the day at work
"hey you should come hanging with us"
he heard one of his workmate asked the other one
he was waiting to be asked
but he wasn’t
damn
crushed, inside
and yet, he just smiled like a fool

Sometimes I hate how I’m good at hiding my feelings.

Obligatory restroom selfie.

Obligatory restroom selfie.

16:33

I’ve never liked scorching hot weather but, geez, I don’t prefer this kind of weather either. I woke up last night with the loud sound of raindrops on our thin roof, plus, the rain was so hard that there were drips from the ceiling. There was no choice. I had to get up.

I decided it’s time for me to get up anyway since I have to go to work by 3 in the morning. I was planning to wear a button down and pants by that time but the weather was being a dick so I decided to go with a plain shirt, shorts—which I had to wait for my boss’ reply if I’m allowed to wear one—and a pair of rubber shoes. I was stupid, so fucking stupid.

I made a good choice of wearing shorts but I underestimated the rain because it doesn’t usually flood at the place where I’m staying, but by the time I went out of the house, I was dumbfounded by the looks of the area. It was flooded, knee deep. I stared at it for a minute, thinking of what to do then suddenly, this guy, I think a bystander or whatever, told me to go the other way. He said it’s not flooded there. I did. It was actually worse.

I went to work with my shoes bubbling inside every time I take a step, my underwear being the only piece of clothing in me that is dry and my bag having a little pond inside. It was a fucking nightmare. 

This morning, before I went home, fearing that I might endure the same traumatic experience again, I decided to buy a pair of slipper. It was terrible. I had trouble looking for a size that fits me. I’ve had my thumb on my toe poking out of a size 11 slippers. Plus, it was fucking expensive. The cheap slipper that they sell in a market is sold as three times more there. I decided to suck it in and bought one that looks horribly on my feet. I had no fucking choice. 

Where are my cheap slippers when I need them?

Mom, I know you brought me up into this world, but you’re giving me more and more reasons to hate you. 

"Let’s take a picture of our feet!" she yelled as she ran to the corner of the Kamagong tree.
"I still don’t get it why we always do this," I frowned. I held my breath as I was catching up with her. Damn lungs.
"You see, it’s our journey. To track all the places we had been," she said. She was prepping her shoes.
I smirked. Pathetic but cute, I thought.
I didn’t realize up until now what was all that for.
It was actually us. How close, and eventually, how far we fell apart.

"Let’s take a picture of our feet!" she yelled as she ran to the corner of the Kamagong tree.

"I still don’t get it why we always do this," I frowned. I held my breath as I was catching up with her. Damn lungs.

"You see, it’s our journey. To track all the places we had been," she said. She was prepping her shoes.

I smirked. Pathetic but cute, I thought.

I didn’t realize up until now what was all that for.

It was actually us. How close, and eventually, how far we fell apart.

"How are you?"

His eyebrows raised as he heard it. It was an odd question, mainly because he doesn’t get asked that often. The last time he was asked with the same question was when he was on his way to the bookstore and he slipped on the wet pavement of the road. It hurt like hell, but when the security officer asked, he said he was okay. He later regret the book he bought that day.

It’s funny though, because a lot of people call him smart, like, book smart. They say that he knows the answer to everything like the square root of whatever number you can give or the sum of all the thing a person can do for someone; the distance of the sun to the earth or how far can someone be even if they’re inches away from you or even the most useless things nobody even care if they know like the term for the smell of someone’s perfume when they leave, or what you call the feeling when you’re about to say something but you forgot it, or what you call the hard stick at the end of a shoelace.

He knows a lot of things— how to comfort someone when they’re crying; what to and what not to say when someone’s emotionally vulnerable or what to do when someone’s obviously lying to you. But the thought of asking himself if he’s okay didn’t come to mind.

The reason, most likely why, is because he was raised in a home where being okay is a must. His parents never took notice if he was doing fine because they know he was an independent kid and most of the time he was buried in books, thinking he got everything managed. He grew having friends having the mindset that he’s always okay, that all he cares about are his grades and being on top or getting everything in the right place. He’s not in the right place.

That moment was the only time when someone asked him and he thought of the answer.

"Hmmm."

He sniff, blew a deep sigh and then smiled. That’s what he always do when he’s either about to tell a lie or has nothing much to say.

He tried but no words came out of his mouth.

He laughed as he was shaking his head. Everything was an utter disappointment.

Tears were falling down.