It’s great to have some friends who are willing to meet with you even late at night over a cup of coffee just to listen and know what has been happening to your life. It rarely happens, but it feels so great when it does.
I think I’m funny. They think I’m sarcastic.
"Oh, God. Here she goes again.", he said as let out a deep sigh. He saw her sitting and crying—again—on their favorite seat at a regular fastfood chain somewhere in Ortigas. She was at least discreetly crying, the kind of cry you do when you don’t want to get attention but you just can’t really keep it in so you had to let go.
He scratched his head as he walked to her. He knows things will be awkward from that time forward. He was never good at this situation. He doesn’t like dramas, so he’s not really good at comforting at someone who’s distressed, whoever it is—even someone who’s really special.
"Babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be late.", he smiled awkwardly while looking at the people around them, fearing that they might think he did something to her that made her cry. He sat on the chair beside her and pat her on the back. See, a normal guy would have hug his girlfriend if he saw her crying, but not him. He would just pat her just like a dog in need of affection. Heck, he’s sweeter to his dog than to anyone else. He knows that he’s emotionally distant—to humans, at least.
He got no response from her. He knows that this means he has to keep explaining until she believes him. “Sigh. Babe, something came up on my way here. There was an accident at the intersection. There was a lot of commotion, causing a traffic.” Still no response. “You see, I made a way. I walked a few miles just to find a bus to ride again. I promise, I really did.” Still no response.
Sigh. Now he’s clueless. Why do girls like to make things complicated? As if saying sorry and saying that everything you do is not enough? What does she want me to do, kneel here and beg for her forgiveness?
He put his hand together, like in a clapping form and put it in his mouth. He always does this when he’s stressed. Again, he let out a deep sigh and held her hand. “Babe, I’m really sorry. I love you.”, he said. She’s still crying.
Then to his surprise, she took her phone out of her pocket, clicked a few things here and there and stop and just stare at something on the screen. To his curiosity, he stood up and went to her to see what’s she was looking at. Again, to his surprise, he saw her looking at his picture on her phone.
What’s wrong with this woman? Here I am, being ignored despite the fact that I’m apologizing my ass off and she’s looking at my picture?
He then overheard a conversation from the next table.
"Dude. It’s 2014. You’re too old fashioned. Just ask her out. Stop being a pussy."
"Yeah, but I don’t know how—"
"Oh, just message her on her facebook, you wimp."
Lines were formed on his forehead.
Huh? What the hell is going on? What the hell are you talking about? Isn’t it 2012?
But then, he remember something.
It all makes sense now.
The accident that happened earlier, actually happened last June 13, 2012. A bus swerve its way on the bus he was on, ‘causing a lot of death—including his.
It has been 2 years, and every time at this year she still goes to their favorite seat and just reminisce everything. So that’s why she’s crying, not because he’s late but because he didn’t and will never show up.
As she wipes away her tears, he heard her saying,”This will be the last time I’d be crying because of you.” As she stood up and walked away from him, he knew she’d start forgetting him. He was only a figment of her memory. All this time, he was only a memory.
Slowly, he faded away.
You know you should stop when the conversation is just empty, no matter how hard you try.
she is just precious, a priceless gem
well he’s an asshole, a worthless item.
she’s one of a kind, like a work of fiction
he’s normal with his predictable action.
she’s lovable, charming and sweet
like what the fuck he’s the exact opposite.
she was a princess in her past life
whoever he will marry will be an unlucky wife.
she’s a stunner, a star;
he’s a loner, just watching from afar.
everybody loves her,
everybody despises him
but one thing they know is
they love each other.
i held your hand so tightly and
i said never ever let go,
but you did— just before i was
finished saying it.
I’ve been left,
I’ve been buried in
the past, for
a lot of times.
It’s scary, but kind
of puzzling too if
you think of it.
"Why does it always
happens?”, you may
Then I realized
maybe it’s me.
It must be me.
I must have been unbearable.
I must have been terrible at
being a friend.
I must have suck at staying.
I must have been too clingy,
or too distant or too
All this time, I was
thinking I have been the
victim when I’ve
committed the crime
I’m terribly sorry
I can’t believe you don’t know how beautiful you are.
If there’s one thing in movies that makes me cry, it’s those scenes where it involves parents. I don’t know why, butit has always been a sensitive topic for me. It makes me sentimental seeing those parents in the movies care for their kids. I just never failed to shed a tear when I see how much they love each other.
Maybe because I never had that kind of love from my parent. Maybe because I also seek that kind of affection. Maybe because I also want someone take care of me as much as someone did of them. Or maybe, just maybe, I want my parents to love me as their child.
I want them to cry too when I need to move out of the house and go to college or be independent and something. I want them to hug me and feel like they’ve missed me really, really bad after not seeing each other for a while. I also want them to text me constantly to see how am I holding up, if I’m okay being alone. I want to be able to run to them when I need to talk to someone. I want their words of wisdom when I’m going through hell. Dammit, I’m 20 years old and I still want to hear ‘the talk’ from them.
I envy those people who constantly complain about their parents being on their back. Heck, I want my parents to be on my back. Apparently, they’re not even an inch near to my back.
At some point, we all have those feelings when we feel like the world is against us and that we can’t do anything right and all we want to do is just run away, be forgotten and disappear. We get stuck with the pain of feeling worthless, of being a good for nothing son of a bitch because we know there’s nothing we can’t do about it. At the end of the day, we sleep thinking if everything’s going to be different by tomorrow even though we already know the answer—it’s not.
We’re afraid to take a leap because we might fall, that we might fail. We’re simply.. afraid. It’s reasonable. We have this nature that we’re want everything to be perfect, to have it under control and it’s perfectly normal.
But the thing here is, you’re strong. You just don’t know it. You’ve had all the guts to suck it up and live like there’s nothing wrong. You’re strong that you even managed to pull yourself up when you were down, to be alone in times when you needed someone. You survived. You are strong, you’ll have to know that.
So, take a risk. Try something new. Take the big leap and don’t be afraid to fall because you will, but somehow you’ll manage to get up and try again. You’ll live, trust me. After all, that’s what is life for— living and surviving. The thing is, we’re only doing the latter part.
I just got home from Fancy Crepe and I gotta say, I’ve had a splendid time. I never knew I get to meet such awesome people, plus they’re also from Tumblr, so yay.
I’ve had a great time with them that I didn’t realize we were talking for merely 5 hours. You see, we all realize we were actually going through the same phase. We all don’t have perfect families; We all seek for comfort, for someone to listen and not just pat us on the back and go on with their life. We found what we were looking for— someone that really know what we’re going through.
We talked about certain things that don’t usually get talked about. We dared to talk about things that most people can’t even say. I have to say that it was the best and most sensible conversation that I’ve ever had with group of people.
It’s also awesome that we all have a friend—who are all from Tumblr—in common making us not perfect strangers to each other. I didn’t regret trying something new tonight. I know it was worth it.
Thanks Marj, Melai and Ced. I’ll see you guys soon!
Aren’t you tired of being left out,
of seeing all of them moving on and yet,
seeing you’re self stranded
in the same place?
Aren’t you tired of being alone,
of being constantly rejected,
despised and ignored?
Aren’t you tired of being miserable,
of laughing everything out, when
you want to shout it all out?
Aren’t you tired of everything,
working, living like you’re
alive when you’re dead inside?
Aren’t you tired of not being
good enough, or having the
feeling of needing to please
everyone even though you don’t
Aren’t you tired of being mad at
yourself because of one thing you
did and yet, you’re still
Aren’t you tired of being tired?
I don’t know what’s with the massive follows but I want to thank you guys if you found my blog interesting (even though it’s clearly not) and I can’t message you one by one ‘cause you know my internet is shitty so I’ll just introduce myself on this post. For the people who are already following me, just in case you forgot who i am—and cared enough to want to know—you can read this too.
1. My name is Ron, I don’t have any alias nor I don’t go under any letters as a name. You can call me R though, if you like. I mean, no one ever called me that yet. It would be cool. Not.
2. I used to be active here, but since I’ve learned how to live like a normal person—and when I say normal that means one who slaves for money—I barely have thoughts on my brain to post here. You might see me post sometimes but I can guarantee that it would be 100% nonsense.
3. I’m a frustrated writer so forgive me if I try to use english as the medium of my posts. I know I’m an idiot when it comes to punctuation marks and grammar, but hey, I’m trying here.
4. I may look boring or dull or stupid, but I’m not (except for the stupid part) so if you’re looking for someone to talk to, vent out, hate or praise, I’m just a tumblr ask away. You can go as an anon or as you, I don’t care.
5. I look happy socially but I’m miserable inside. So, if you know me personally you might find my blog very strange since I don’t look like some person who says, “I’m scared of people breaking me when in fact, I’m already broken.” and yet, I do.
6. I’m very sentimental, and oh, sensitive. As I’ve said, I look like a cheerful guy personally, but I actually get hurt easily. It’s not easy you know. When you’re a 6’ft guy who gets hurt when you say you don’t like his company or that he sucks even though you’re joking is not easy. People expect us to be tough and strong and that’s what they think because that’s what we show them. That’s why people turn into blogs— to write the shits they can’t say.
7. I usually don’t make sense. See number 6 for example.
8. I have a lot of issues. Friends, family, parents, affection, expectation, big brother, feelings, bridges, cockroaches, genres of songs, movies— name it. I’m a very difficult person.
9. I don’t know how to end things, that’s why I always end up running away from things, or people because I’m afraid to let them end me. So, I do it for myself.
10. I don’t know how to end this either.
Don’t give up on people just yet.